Destroy My Sweater

I once believed I’d look smaller if I wore clothes that were too big. In high school, the Gap sold a cardigan sweater that ran ridiculously large. Boom! I could have the satisfaction of buying a medium and still have it be two sizes too big. I got the foamy green color and my friend Sarah got the dusty rose, or maybe it was coral. Why does it irritate me that I can’t remember the color of Sarah’s sweater? All I know is the sweater looked cute on her. On me…not so much.

I got rid of it, right?

No. Being the pack rat I am, I still had the foamy green over-sized Gap cardigan sweater five years later when I started my job. I soon learned I needed to leave a sweater at work permanently to protect me from the arctic air conditioning in the summer. The hoarder in me was thrilled to finally have a use for the otherwise unworn foamy green over-sized Gap cardigan sweater. See, it is good to hang onto things (let’s reinforce my hoarding!). Over the years the foamy green over-sized Gap cardigan sweater slowly started to disintegrate, starting at the cuffs.

I threw it out, right?

No. I rolled up the sleeves to hide the fraying edges and the growing holes. The sweater was too big, remember? I could roll the cuffs a few times and still get full arm coverage.

I have next to no fashion sense. But even I couldn’t keep wearing that sweater. My colleagues were going to think I was homeless.

I threw it out, right?

No. Even though I wouldn’t wear it, it could still come in handy. Like that time last winter when a cold rain pummeled me sideways in the wind tunnel that is the walk from the subway to my office. After removing my soaked wool pants, I sat on my chair with the foamy green (mercifully) over-sized Gap cardigan sweater draped over my lap until my pants dried. And I believe I updated my Facebook status to say I wasn’t wearing pants. Praise all that is holy my office has a door.

During my office cleaning in May, I faced a critical decision.

Maybe it looks better on…like, on fire.

I decided it was time for the foamy green over-sized Gap cardigan sweater to go. But not before documenting it’s foamy green over-sizedness. You can see why I had to keep this sweater for 21 years, no? The fabric to cost ratio alone made it worthwhile. I love how it hangs all heavy and ill-fitting. The extra fabric bunching under my elbow is particularly fetching.

Thank God no one came into the bathroom during this photo shoot.

Dave likes this close up shot of the holes.

It might be time to admit I have a problem.

I threw it out, right?

R.I.P. foamy green over-sized Gap cardigan sweater

I couldn’t get this song out of my head while writing this post, so here you go.

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30 Responses to “Destroy My Sweater”

  1. Facetious Firecracker
    Friday, July 20, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Personally, I think the sweater was great. The holes were particularly fetching. I have SO many ill-fitting sweaters because my workplace also likes to equate A/C with arctic blasts. I’m too cheap to go find some that actually fit, so most of mine are hand-me-downs from friends who wear a size or two bigger than me.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Friday, July 20, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

      I certainly was attached to that damn sweater. I’ll always have my memories…

      What I didn’t mention is the sweater that didn’t get thrown out…it’s a younger model (17 years old instead of 21) and it’s a black, ill-fitting cardigan instead of a foamy green ill-fitting cardigan. It doesn’t have any holes, but it’s always hanging from my chair when I’m not wearing it and the back is now faded from sun exposure. I should really get a sweater for the office that I’m not ashamed to wear, but until I do (and I’m cheap too, so this is not high on my list of things to do) I have to hang onto the ugly faded ill-fitting black sweater for A/C blast days.

  2. Kari Lynn Collins
    Friday, July 20, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

    I love this! And, I can’t believe you threw the sweater away, although I threw away a pair of Dexter shoes I got when I was a freshman in high school 20 years after I graduated. I’m still not over it. Love your blog . . . keep ’em coming!

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Friday, July 20, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

      Thanks! I definitely have an issue with attaching memories to things. Maybe I worry I’ll forget the memory without the object.

      I still have my high school uniform. I keep thinking it could come in handy as a Halloween costume, which would only be true if it actually still fit.

  3. Angie Z.
    Friday, July 20, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

    I loved that song in college — thank you for reminding me of that gem.

    Oh, over-sized sweaters. I remember that over-sized era so well. It’s the reason my cheeky skirt-chasing former boss once declared that he went to the college in the “wrong” era, back when most women were wearing baggy jeans and large flannels. He said this as he watched a scantily clad coed walk by our offices. Seriously though, I can’t believe we weren’t all subjected to gender testing back then, Olympics-style, to confirm we weren’t in fact Soviet male athletes.

    It was a beautiful sweater — I didn’t know it but I’m sorry to see it go.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Friday, July 20, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

      I was happy to have that song stuck in my head. Unfortunately it was replaced this week by Scandal’s “The Warrior.” That song is my earworm nemesis. I caught the tiniest snippet of it when walking by the deli by my office and I actually clutched my ears and cried out “NO!” The song plagued me for two straight days. Thankfully I went to a concert last night and now Squeeze songs are playing in my head instead.

      I’m sorry to say that I only recently learned that I look better in clothes that actually fit (who knew?!?). Thanks for the sweater sympathy. It is so much colder in my office now, but I have my memories to keep me warm.

      • Angie Z.
        Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 7:20 pm #

        I loved the Warrior but I could only tolerate it for so long. Another ditty by the same group, Goodbye to You, will be in my head for MONTHS if I catch it on the radio.

        • Tracy @LogyExpress
          Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

          I’m still struggling sometimes with the Warrior. That shit is a strong earworm. Goodbye to You is too, but at least she doesn’t sound like Elmer Fudd in that song.

  4. Mrs. One Day
    Saturday, July 21, 2012 at 11:41 am #

    I’m popping in from Not Mommy Hop. I am like you and have certain clothing items that I’ve held onto for probably too many years, but I just can’t get rid of them! Usually it’s a situation of, “I will fit in this again one day!” Ugh. I am sorry for your loss. :(

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Saturday, July 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm #

      I have a closet full of stuff I never wear. I know I should cull, but it’s such a daunting prospect. If I really got rid of everything I haven’t worn in the last year or so, my closet would be frighteningly empty. But the holes in my sweater were definitely a sign that it was long past the point of needing to go.

  5. Paige Kellerman
    Saturday, July 21, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

    LMAO…oh my gosh, that picture of you wearing it is pretty much hysterical. I laugh only because I, too, am the worst clothes hoarder ever. Sweaters are always so hard for me to throw out for some reason. When I worked in an office, I also had a compilation of cold-fighting garments that would’ve been modeled best on a homeless man. RIP, you little green sweater.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

      I could NOT throw away the sweater without taking pictures. It was hard to get decent shots with the bathroom lighting and my crappy little digital camera and I kept praying no one would walk in on me. I can’t believe I used to wear that around my office.

  6. Annabelle
    Sunday, July 22, 2012 at 10:59 am #

    Ha! I deliberately tossed all of the clothes I was under the impression were cute in high school several years ago, because they were too horrifying to contemplate. Also because some of them were that color and I am SO not a person who can wear mint green.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

      This may make no sense, but the color of my sweater sort of reminded me of Pepto Bismol if Pepto Bismol were green.

      I love green so much that it sometimes clouds my judgment about the utility and attractiveness of clothing. I think the only high school clothes I now have left are my high school uniform skirt and sweater.

  7. Meredith
    Sunday, July 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm #

    Won’t lie–mainly I like this post b/c I loved loved that song. Absolutely would have hung onto that treasure–definite keeper 😉

  8. Scargosun
    Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

    Were we separated at birth? Between this and the Squeeze thing…I might have to ask Mom some hard questions. I have a pink OutBack Red sweater that is…oh…maybe 35 years old. I also have a navy blue Gap sweater with kelly green stripes…also about the same age. In HS, baggier the better.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

      Well, according to a high school social studies teacher, she could tell I was from one of the Baltic states due to my “pale, oddly-shaped face.” So do you have a pale, oddly-shaped face?

      I think if you keep stuff for 35 years or longer, that’s basically a sign you can’t get rid of it.

      I shared this post with my friend who also had this sweater and not only did she remember these sweaters, but she said she liked how baggy they were because at the time she thought the sweater hid how stick thin she was. Oh the irony… I thought the sweater hid how fat I was. I was so jealous of her thinness and she wanted to cover it. Go figure.

  9. Azara
    Friday, November 9, 2012 at 11:08 pm #

    This was hilarious! I have trouble getting rid of old clothes too. In fact you’ve inspired me for a potential post of my own about this – I’ll be sure to link you in if I do it.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Monday, November 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

      Azara, thanks! Good luck culling your stuff! I look forward to reading about it. It will be more fun than culling my own clothes.

  10. The Informal Matriarch
    Thursday, November 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    Ooooooooo I have a bright orange one from my teenage years…I wrote it last night…yikes.

  11. Gracie O
    Thursday, November 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    My husband has a mantra. He says “I never threw anything away that I didn’t want back again.” Did you pull the oversized frothy green sweater out of the trash?

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Thursday, November 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm #

      One of the reasons I keep so much crap is what your husband says–I do often reach for stuff that is super old, even stuff I haven’t touched in years. But I was strong on the sweater…it is GONE.

  12. Wombat Central
    Thursday, November 15, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

    That song started in my head as soon as I read the title! The Rita Rudner line about something looking better on… on FIRE is one of my favorites ever. Loved this post! Visiting from Mama Kat’s.

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Thursday, November 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

      Ooh, thanks for reminding me who said that “on fire” line. I couldn’t remember where I got that.

  13. picturetalk
    Tuesday, November 20, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

    You didn’t? You wouldn’t? Throw it out???!!!

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Thursday, November 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

      It is so gone. But it’s OK, because I’ll always have my memories (and pictures).

  14. Hollow Tree Ventures
    Thursday, November 22, 2012 at 6:24 am #

    I’m so impressed you threw it out! I have the same attachment problem – I have a pair of yoga pants (I know, so predictable) that are worn so thin you can see through them and there are some holes in the seams, but I keep them because if I wear a long t-shirt…

    • Tracy @LogyExpress
      Thursday, November 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

      Totally understandable…it takes so long to break in a pair of yoga pants.

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