Sep
19
2011
Sweetness and Light

A narrow staircase led to the loft floating hidden above the rest of the room. Sparsely furnished with only a mattress and air, it still held the two of us comfortably.

Laced together, we drifted in and out of sleep with the clicking of the tape player reversing sides. Swirling guitars and ethereal vocals drifted up from below.

“You are the sweetness in my eyes…”

Right outside the open windows was a slice of brilliant blue sky, dotted with cottony clouds. Partially covered by a light sheet, a breeze scented with promise glided over our bare skin, adding its cool caress to our embrace.

I stirred and tightened my arms around his strong, yet yielding body. I could not quite fully envelop him as he could me. Burrowing deeper into him, his warmth radiated over me as I lightly slid my hands over his smooth skin. Resting my head on his chest, his rhythmic heartbeat calmed my own.

I breathed in his dewy scent. I felt the rise and fall of his breathing under me. As the gentle movement lulled me back to sleep, I saw spring green warmed by slanted beams of late afternoon sunlight.

“You are the juice I need for life
You are the sweetness in my eyes…”

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This week’s RemembeRED memoir prompt: “We’re going to let narrative take a backseat. Choose a moment from your personal history and mine it for sensory detail. Describe it to us in rich, evocative details. Let us breath the air, hear the heartbeat, the songs, feel the fabric and the touch of that moment.”

Rich description is not one of my strengths, in writing or other communication so I decided to challenge myself by participating in this prompt. The title and the quoted song lyrics are from the following Lush song.

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22 Responses to “Sweetness and Light”

  1. Renee
    Monday, September 19, 2011 at 9:13 pm #

    I think you did just fine.
    The scents and colors and sounds. All beautifully described. As well as textures. Spot on.

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

      Thanks, Renee! I loved your piece about your kitties. This turned out to be a fun exercise.

  2. Caitlin's Concepts
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 1:10 am #

    This was just beautiful.. my favorite lines were a breeze scented with promise glided over our bare skin and I breathed in his dewy scent. Great writing!!!

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

      Thanks, Caitlin! I can’t tell you how long I had to think about an appropriate adjective for scent.

  3. Kathi
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 1:53 am #

    This is beautiful.

    I feel the same way about myself and description. And along with you felt the need to challenge myself with this writing prompt.

    Well done. I enjoyed it very much.

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

      Thanks, Kathi! I’m glad you challenged yourself too, I loved your piece about becoming self-conscious on stage.

  4. Louise Calvert
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 3:29 am #

    This is really lovely – it reminds me of being much more youthful than I am now, and of taking the time to just soak up moments like this.

    And I LOVE the thing about the tape player clicking as it changed sides. I’d forgotten that they did that!

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:29 pm #

      Thanks, Louise! I need to take a cue from my younger self and be in the moment more. It’s one of the reasons I chose this scene to write. The tape player thing really took me back too. Simultaneously feels like a long time ago and yesterday.

  5. Let Me Start By Saying
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 7:39 am #

    I’m glad you challenged yourself. You did well! I saw them there, saw the light, heard the click of the tape change. Yay, you!

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

      Thanks, Kim! It took me a shocking amount of time to write this, but I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. I’m hoping writing will start to come easier with practice.

  6. Galit Breen
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 7:56 am #

    Swoon- this is so very romantic! I loved the sounds of the tape player. You gave me time and place without saying much at all. Go you!

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:38 pm #

      Thanks, Galit! Romance was what I was going for so this comment is gratifying. When the co-subject read this, his response was “that’s hot.” That’s good too, but wasn’t really my point!

  7. angela
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 8:30 am #

    Beautifully written! I think you did an amazing job with the prompt. I felt like I was there with you (well, in spirit, I don’t think you would have appreciated the company!) I love the little detail of the tape player clicking from side to side, the way he envelopes you.

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm #

      Angela, your comment made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the compliment, I really appreciate it!

  8. Nancy C
    Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

    So gorgeous. The music is the perfect counterpoint to your thoughts, and that splash of green at the end was such a stunning visual cue.

    The mood of this was contentment, peace,….pure bliss.

    I adored this writing.

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

      Thanks, Nancy. I’m glad the mood I was trying to evoke came through. There wasn’t much in the physical space to describe, it was the feeling I wanted to describe.

  9. CDG
    Wednesday, September 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    If that isn’t evocative and rich, I don’t know what is.

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm #

      Thanks, Cameron! That’s quite the compliment given how sparse my setting was. I’m glad I made myself write this.

  10. Terry @WriterlyWanna Be
    Wednesday, September 21, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

    This was intense and beautiful. I loved how the setting was revealed, I love the emotion and love….you said so much with so little. Great word choices!

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

      Thanks, Terry! I enjoyed trying to capture this.

  11. cinquecentoproject
    Saturday, September 24, 2011 at 7:14 am #

    This is great. You really have a way of pulling the reader inside the experiences you are describing. It reminded me of your piece on wanting to disappear while shopping.

    That piece really affected me and I have thought a lot about it since reading it. So many issues that I have are wrapped up in that short piece – body image, speaking my mind, social interaction with women (i’m a woman), negotiating shopping. I agree that groups of three are often a social disaster! I hadn’t thought it through until I read one of your comments saying as much.

    I really appreciate reading your blog!

    • logyexpress
      Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

      Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, Jill! I struggled with the shopping piece, even took down an earlier draft, so I’m glad it resonated with you. I got sucked into your blog right away when you first commented here. Your life seems so romantic compared to mine!

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