You can accumulate a lot of crap when you work at the same job for over 15 years. I’ve brought a lot of personal stuff into the office. I figured if I was going to spend so much time there, I could at least make it more comfortable. But perhaps all the stuff made me…
Teenage girls need to make a personal fashion statement, something to set them apart. I was a teenager long before there were sweatpants with writing on the ass. And clearly my trouble attracting guys had to do with the single piercing of my ears. So I decided to get my ears double pierced. But that…
Last year, there was some crazy talk about a “War on Easter.” As an atheist agnostic apathetic agnostic in need of a couple of Easter cards, I can’t say I would have minded a skirmish as I scanned the selection of cards at the grocery store. I just wanted something cute and upbeat and not too “Christ…
It was a delicacy we had only once, but my family still speaks of it decades later. Mom’s cauliflower goo was before its time. Today she could call it “cauliflower mash,” an ingenious carb substitute! In my pre-FoodTV youth, overcooked (and/or canned) vegetables were the norm. My family hadn’t even tried Chinese take-out yet. But…
Mom called me at work on Friday all excited about something she’d seen on Regis and Kelly. “I know what’s wrong with you,” she said. You see, I’m extremely sensitive to noises, like those made by people eating (and breathing if we’re being honest here). We’ve spent years thinking I was just an intolerant bitch,…
Do I miss my childhood? I miss four things about being a kid: my Gram, the close relationship I had with my older brother, summers being something special, and the excitement of Christmas. And maybe MTV playing music videos. I’m not secretive about not being a kid person. Not a very popular opinion, I know,…
What’s My Motivation? Tomorrow I will celebrate 15 years with my employer. The good news: this milestone brings increased vacation time. The bad news: after 15 years I need more vacation time like you wouldn’t believe. My enthusiasm for most of my tasks has waned considerably. And don’t even get me started on my soul-sucking…
Seven years ago we adopted Chuck, my fluffy muffin. Since we don’t know when he was born, we celebrate his birthday on the anniversary of the day we brought him home. I have always wanted a dog. But my Mom can’t stand to be around animals, which meant no dog for me. When Dave and…
There should be a special place in hell for people who commit the especially heinous offense of ruining your birthday party. My earliest birthday memory is the party during which my cousin Craig pushed me down our back stairs. I don’t remember ever speaking to him again. Cousin Craig and his family moved away a…
Coming Out I haven’t explicitly written about not having kids. I’ve been hesitant for two reasons: 1.) I don’t want to alienate anybody. I think some parents get uncomfortable around me once they know I’m purposely childfree (it’s hard to avoid the conversation now that I’m of an age when “do you have kids?” is…