Teenage girls need to make a personal fashion statement, something to set them apart. I was a teenager long before there were sweatpants with writing on the ass. And clearly my trouble attracting guys had to do with the single piercing of my ears. So I decided to get my ears double pierced. But that…
Recently I wrote a post on what I learned from the Duggars about the basic needs of a husband. The source of this knowledge, the Institute in Basic Life Principles, sells the “Seven Basic Needs of a Husband” eight-page pamphlet for two bucks. But what of a wife’s needs? Well, they have that covered too!…
Mom called me at work on Friday all excited about something she’d seen on Regis and Kelly. “I know what’s wrong with you,” she said. You see, I’m extremely sensitive to noises, like those made by people eating (and breathing if we’re being honest here). We’ve spent years thinking I was just an intolerant bitch,…
Since I still have “One Shining Moment” stuck in my head, I’m going to say it’s not too late to write about the NCAA tournament. We went to the first and second (sorry, cannot make myself call them “second and third”) round games in D.C. this year. Here are some thoughts: The games in D.C….
I have a bit of a nostalgia problem. Also, once I experience something a certain way and like it, it’s “tradition.” Growing up Catholic, Easter was, to use religious parlance, “a big fucking deal.” I still celebrate Easter with an enthusiasm completely out of proportion with my belief in its purpose…well, I celebrate the parts…
A good chunk of this year was very unpleasant. At work one day during a particularly dark patch in the spring, when it was hard to imagine getting through the workday, let alone the year, I scheduled a holiday-related task on my online todo list for December. I was hoping that I would forget about…
Sting sang to me through my headphones as my Mom drove our getaway car. The haunting sounds of the song “Fragile” perfectly matched the fresh wound of the argument replaying in my mind. “Tomorrow’s rain will wash the stains away, but something in our minds will always stay.” I clutched my walkman and sunk into…
Possibly the Longest Intro to a Concert Review Ever Sting is my Yoko Ono. He broke up my favorite band of all time. Unlike Yoko, Sting was actually in the band he broke up so I liked him as much as I hated him. I followed Sting’s solo career hoping it would sound something like…
I’d say I’ve been phoning it in recently, but it’s more like calling in sick. All my blog energy went into finalizing the redesign, and now I’m left with a backlog of five dozen post ideas and no idea where to start. How about more crap I found when cleaning my office? Please don’t tell…
Praise all that is holy, this year’s buckeye making is complete. Buckeye rolling movie: Crazy Stupid Love (I’d give it maybe 2.5 stars? It was good for what it was, silly entertainment to keep my mind off the monotony of rolling buckeyes.) Yield: 170 (new record) Elapsed Time: 2 hours, 40 minutes to roll. Almost…