When I tweeted my disappointment at just missing the entry deadline for an ice cream contest, The Suniverse responded by encouraging me to enter the contest she’s running with The Bearded Iris instead. The contest is slightly different in scope. It’s called Craft Whores.
As you may recall, I am not at all crafty. But I do make ice cream. While ice cream didn’t seem like a craft to me, Suniverse said she wanted to see filthy ice cream. So everything’s about to get funky.
I give you: Fifty Shades of Grey Ice Cream with Pearl Necklace Swirl. Made with the finest cream imported from Houston, Texas.
So for those men out there: the next time the question of what a woman really wants confounds you…when she’s upset with you again because you didn’t give her what she likes…just ask her what she wants, you might get really blown away. What she wants doesn’t cost that much. Of course, sometimes you’re simply not available to give her what she needs. You know she has a sweet tooth, so why not provide her with some ice cream that reminds her of you and is somewhat less foul than the use of ice cream in Fifty Shades of Grey? This ice cream is sure to satisfy her hungry heart.
If you’re not familiar with the ridiculous song I’m making fun of, check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne3XojNonEU
Although ZZ Top released this song in 1981, somehow my virgin ears were not defiled by it until recently. So much for my memory of the 80s as a time of innocence, when Madonna managed to shock us while remaining 80 percent clothed just because she writhed around a little and implied she’d had sex before. This song also shattered my image of ZZ Top, which previously had been informed solely by the “Legs” video in which they were the tough, but lovable guardian angels who helped that mousy woman at the shoe store prevail over her oppressors by becoming slutty. Texas rockers with hearts of gold, man.
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UPDATE: The lovely ladies at the Craft Whores contest had to invent a new award category just for my repulsive, yet strangely fascinating entry. This ice cream was named “Most Jizztastic.” That’s my new favorite word.
This is so dirty and awesome. Hilarious! Beautiful photography, too.
Thanks! I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get a good photo of this…I actually laughed out loud when I saw the winning shot. It almost feels like a waste–I mean, what if I never take a picture this good again and this is the subject matter I shot my wad on?
Wow. I’m disgusting and yet I would TOTALLY eat that.
Nice job!
**DISGUSTED** hahaha
Dave and I both ate some tonight (with hot fudge!) and it was pretty tasty.
omg this is so funny. dying.
Thanks! I can’t look at the picture without laughing. It’s just so ridiculous.
Damnit, now I want some ice cream.
That’s the spirit!
That. is. awesome. I’ve never been so pleasantly shocked by what you come up with, Tracy! For some reason, I still titter when you drop an f-bomb, or share a strong opinion. Not only was it funny, that picture was perfection.
Thanks, Jill! I have a mouth like a sewer in real life. I guess I’ve been subconsciously toning it down here.
Haha! That’s a grand choice of music. And I love that it’s grey ice cream.
I have no idea how ZZ Top got away with that song in 1981.
Honest to god – this is incredible. Truly. I am in love with you for creating this. And the gray-scale photo? GENIUS.
Thanks so much for entering. You have made my day.
I love you too! Thanks for encouraging me to enter the contest.
That photo of your ice-cream is positively PORNOGRAPHIC! (AND I EFFING LOVE IT.) Way to tie in the ridiculousness that is ZZ Top. And “the finest cream imported from Houston, Texas”? I see what you did there. You’re brilliant. The end.
Thanks so much! It is pretty filthy isn’t it? But I blame ZZ Top.
fantastic, but where oh where is the recipe??? does a girl have to supply her own pearl necklace…?
I’m afraid only the boys of ZZ Top can provide the high-quality key ingredient this dish deserves.
I can’t decide if I should be grossed out or hungry! Hmm . . . Hungry.
And I agree with the other comments – the photography is marvelous!
Yes, be hungry. This is good eats.
So, um, did I miss it somewhere – did you mention it and I just skimmed over it. Exactly what is in that particular flavor of ice cream? It looks pretty tasty.
You’re not really going to make me explain the other meaning of pearl necklace are you? I’m still traumatized from having to explain it to my Mom.
I will say this…no sperm were injured in the making of this ice cream.
Wow, that photo is impressive. So … realistic. I have to admit I had no idea what ZZ Top was referring to when that song was actually playing. Love that you had to explain it to your mom. Congrats on the award!
I really have no memory of hearing that song until a few months ago. Maybe I blocked it out.
My Mom is so proud.
When is too early for ice cream? It’s 11:30 in the morning here. Your ice cream photo looks delicious and naughty. I love it a lot 🙂
Also, I can’t believe I have never heard this song before. BWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
Thanks, I enjoyed making and styling my silly ice cream. It’s past noon now, so I think you can safely get some ice cream. But I would never judge ice cream eating at any time.
The song apparently had some chart success, but I’m convinced I never heard it because of where I grew up…no way that song was getting played on the radio in my uber-Catholic hometown.